For my nephew on his 7th birthday

The lights are always bright enough

When Stevie's on the scene.

The truth is always right enough

When Stevie's on the scene.

The play is never too darned rough,

The cards are always dealt to bluff

His brother's hide stays good and tough

When Stevie's loud and mean.

The girls, they always tease their hair

When Stevie's on the scene.

The women, they all stop and stare

When Stevie's on the scene.

The giggles ring from here to there,

The priests, they stop to kneel in prayer,

'Cause heaven knows what will shine bare

When Stevie's getting clean.

Philosophers no longer doubt

When Stevie's on the scene.

Even hermits come on out

When Stevie's on the scene.

The quiet all begin to shout

The vegans get a little stout

And the kayak fills on up with trout

While Stevie's hook stays clean.

The saber's always nice and light

When Stevie plays the scene.

The battle's always nice and tight

When Stevie's on the scene.

The dying bulb seems newly bright,

The blind-drunk fool gets second sight

And tiny mice bring flea and fright

When Stevie's light turns green.

The soccer goals fall open wide

With Stevie on the scene.

The Ducks score without breaking stride

When Stevie's on the scene.

The crooks are never even tried,

The catfish cook before they're fried

And tone-deaf uncles sing with pride

When Stevie takes the scene.