Sunday, January 29, 2006

Pansi's Liberry Tradgedy

this is an audio post - click to play

Print version:
Mall Diva: Welcome, children, to Story Time. And today we're going to have a couple of stories. The FIRST story is going to be--
Pansi: Will boooks be involved?
Mall Diva: That is Pansi. She's going to read our first story.
Pansi: Read?
Mall Diva: No. She's going to TELL us our first story.
Pansi (relieved): Oh, good.
Mall Diva: Now. Pansi--well, could you please tell the children something?
Pansi: O. k. How 'bout if I tell them about the time when Dicky was homeschooling Blop and Blurp? It's real sad.
Toyplayer: That's fine, Pansi.
Mall Diva: And that was Toyplayer; he's going to talk to you in a second. All right, Pansi, why don't you just go right ahead?
Pansi: O. k., well Dicky had come home from a drinking establishment, and he was--
(Mall Diva gasps multisyllabically.)
Pansi: Are--are you nauseous?
Mall Diva: Please! That's enough. Good-bye! Our next story--
Pansi: Good BYE!! I am a Superstar. Excuse me, but you can't treat me like this--
Toyplayer (interrupting excitedly): (Incoherent, then--) Naked Gymnastics for JESUS!
Pansi (Mall Diva still gasping in background): I can't work with these PEOPLE!

Weirsdo's definition: Library (n.): Site entrusted with maintaining communal wellbeing through censorship.

Saturday, January 28, 2006

Love, American Style

Story #29, in which we return to find Doug an exchange student in Germany.

To hear the story, find a bar and order a Veltin's.

To read the story, stagger down Biegenstra├če.

Click below for a slide show from Marburg (2005)

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

A Knights' Tale

As improvised and performed by Mall Diva, with help from Toyplayer.
this is an audio post - click to play
Here is the print version:
In an ancient land, far, far away from any land we know, there lived two knights: Knight Arabesqua, and Knight John. Knight John was a small, little man, and Knight Arabesqua was a tall, strong man.
One day they met, and Arabesqua said to Knight John, "You are the shortest dwarf I ever saw!"
And Knight John did NOT laugh; instead, they began fighting. . . . Until--the dragon came.
(Groans.) Those were the sounds of the cries as they died.
And so, what is the moral of this story? It is, of course, "Do not fight, because then you won't know when dragons are coming along."

Weirsdo's definition: Dragon (n.): Cooler of heated disputes.

Saturday, January 21, 2006


Story #28, in which the Devil seeks his due.

To hear the story, ask Robert Johnson for directions.

To read the story, come to the crossroads.

Photo courtesy of Anton Shevchenko. Thanks, Anton.

Saturday, January 14, 2006

Tom Waits Calls a Cab

Story #27, in which the straight and narrow path is no way at all.

To hear the story, tip your hat to Tom Waits.

Read all about it! Hail the cab!

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

The Tale of Willie Bear

Click on Willie to hear Semisweet1 Read his poem, The Legend of Willie Bear.

Or, click Here to read it.

Saturday, January 07, 2006

1001 Points of Light

Story #26 A tale of progress from Iran.

To hear the story, click on Scheherezade. (Right)

To read the story, click on Ali Baba. (Left)