Saturday, December 30, 2006

Vegas' Trail

Story #75, one last true story.

To hear the story, call Vegas.

To read the story, cozy up.

One last matter, during my recent reincarnation, I've noticed that I also lost the list of who has agreed to read for the stories next year. I more or less think I remember but if you volunteered and don't yet have your episode, please email me again so I can make sure I haven't forgotten anyone.

If you don't know what I'm talking about, click here: wolf_silhouette_md_wht

Saturday, December 23, 2006

Special Delivery

Story #74, in which lists are made.

To hear the story, ask Santa for directions.

To read the story, tell Santa you "want some stupid story for Christmas."

Now, about Prattler. The same catastrophe that made today's story late means Prattler will have to be rebuilt from scratch. Anyone making a site on iWeb should email me for advice on how not to end up old, bitter and drunk like me. Prattler will be back but I don't know when.

Saturday, December 16, 2006

What Really Happened

Story #73, the true tell-all story of Doug's vacation.

To hear the story, wander down to Barr, a winemaking village below the Vosges.

To read the story, stop in Prague, birthplace of Franz Kafka..

Prattler will return next Saturday. To read the other version of my vacation, click on the photo of Budapest and the Danube, below.

Saturday, November 25, 2006

The Case of The Missing Moral

Story #72, a matter in which theft, autism and hippiedom play a role.

To hear the story, click visualize world peace.

To read the story, click Arthur Conan Doyle who thought mormonism was troubling.

This week in The Prattler, "The Reader's Digest Empire."
Reminder: Waking Ambrose will be on vacation December 1-14. Stories will return December 16.

Saturday, November 18, 2006

Unto The Next World

Story #71, A tale of dysentery.

To hear the story, listen to your inner parasite.

To read the story, click Percy Bysshe Shelley, that rascal.

This week in The Prattler, "Remembering Milton Friedman" to be published around 11 AM TLP standard time. You are all excused from class.

Saturday, November 11, 2006

Twitch of Fate

Story #70. Even the fates suffer unforseen consequences.

To hear the story, consult the Moriae

To read the story, ask Diogenes a stupid question.

Saturday, November 04, 2006


Story #69, in which a young Doug wanders a storm seeking new life and new civilizations.

To hear me drone, embrace the stillness.

To read the story, go where no one has gone before.

This week in The Prattler, "The Prattler exdorsements" which should be up by 11AM TLP Standard Time.

Saturday, October 28, 2006

The Red Mask of Death

Story #68, in which a cocktail party goes amiss.

To hear the story, call the specter.

To read the story, comfort Edgar Allen Poe who's rolling in his grave about now but probably used to it.

This week in The Prattler, "Trick or Treat" which should be up by 11AM TLP Daylight Savings Time.

Saturday, October 21, 2006

Ancient of Days

Story #67, the contemporary lesson of a history student.

To hear the story, receive the grace of the Ancient of Days.

To read the story, surrender to the daughters of Albion.

This week in The Prattler, "I Know! I Know!" in which Doug speaks for both parties on national security.

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Secret Lives

Story #66, about a woman with many tales.

To hear the story, yodel from Mont Blanc.

To read the story, parry.

This week in The Prattler, "Political Capital."

Saturday, October 07, 2006


Story #65, in which we find Doug in Germany looking for 1982.

To hear the story, walk the lonely streets of Marburg.

To read the story, visit city hall.

This week in The Prattler, "The Foley Follies"to be published around noon East Coast time.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Toyplayer's Pirate Election

Grey Patch . . . . . . . . . . . Mrs. Weirsdo
One-Eyed Sam . . . . . . . . Mrs. Weirsdo
Brown Beard . . . . . . . . . . Toyplayer
Peg-Leg John . . . . . . . . . Dr. Weirsdo
William Roberts . . . . . . . Toyplayer
Henry Hook . . . . . . . . . . Dr. Weirsdo
N. B.: To view this in another format, click here.
Scene 1. The deck of a pirate ship, with raised areas at either end of the stage. The area at stage left is higher than the one at stage right; the captain's cabin is underneath, with a door leading to the stage. On top is the wheel for steering the ship. Steps go up to both raised areas. Peg-Leg John is steering. Grey Patch and One-Eyed Sam are sitting and talking.
this is an audio post - click to play
Grey Patch: I will nominate William Roberts for captain.
One-Eyed Sam: I don't think so. Roberts doesn't have enough experience. He will be killed in the first month.
Grey Patch: I think Roberts is clever enough to keep out of trouble.
One-Eyed Sam: I still think he is too young. I think I'll nominate Henry Hook.
(Brown Beard climbs out of the hatch and tumbles into Grey Patch and One-Eyed Sam. They fall backwards.)
this is an audio post - click to play
Grey Patch: Can't you go anywhere without knocking into someone?
One-Eyed Sam (raising his sword to cut down Brown Beard): He'll learn a lesson!
Grey Patch (grabbing Sam's arm): No!
(All three exit, arguing as they open the hatch. Brown Beard trips and knocks them down the ladder.)
this is an audio post - click to play
(Henry Hook enters from the captain's cabin. He walks up the stairs to talk to Peg-Leg John.)
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Henry Hook: Where are we going?
Peg-Leg John (consulting his compass): Due northwest. To Port Royal.
this is an audio post - click to play
Scene 2: Same, six days later. The election.
this is an audio post - click to play

Peg-Leg John (muttering to himself): We will be at Port Royal in three days. This election better be over in two.
(While he is talking the pirates climb out through the hatch. Brown Beard climbs out last and tumbles into the other pirates. They fall llike dominoes into the stairs. Peg-Leg John comes down the stairs, and William Roberts and Henry Hook go up.)
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William Roberts: Gentlemen!
(The pirates stop cursing Brown Beard and waving their weapons and sit down.)
William Roberts: If you vote for me I will improve your lives. If I become captain everyone will get an equal share, including myself.
(Grey Patch cheers.)
One-Eyed Sam: He's ly--
(Brown Beard, who is waving his arm, accidentally hits One-Eyed Sam in the head, knocking him into another pirate.)IMG_1730.JPG
this is an audio post - click to play
William Roberts: Gentlemen! It's Henry Hook's turn.
(The pirates quiet down.)
Henry Hook (looking around): Where are those damn papers?
William Roberts: Brown Beard must have smashed into the table where your speech was and knocked everything into the sea.
Grey Patch (aside): That's not true. I saw William steal them. But that's an example of his cunning.
Henry Hook (giving up his search): That damn man. Maroon him!
William Roberts: Brown Beard didn't mean anything. He doesn't deserve to be marooned!
One-Eyed Sam: He does too--
this is an audio post - click to play
One-Eyed Sam: He deserves to be marooned (etc. . . ).
Brown Beard (waving his arms and talking at the same time as One-Eyed Sam): Roberts is right! I don't deserve to be marooned!
(He hits One-Eyed Sam in the head again, interrupting him.)
this is an audio post - click to play
Peg-Leg John (voice over pantomime): And so William Roberts was elected. He kept his promise to give everyone an equal share. And even though Brown Beard tripped while he was shaking William Roberts' hand and knocked him overboard, the new captain pardoned him.
this is an audio post - click to play
(Brown Beard is heard apologizing in background.)
Weirsdo's definition: Election: Social ritual combining missteps, fuddled memory, and chicanery in equal parts.

Saturday, September 30, 2006


Story #64, in which a schoolteacher makes a difference.

To hear the story, give praise for the morning.

To read the story, give praise for the singing.

This week in The Prattler, "Hall of Kings."

And Happy Birthday to Jenna Mooney née Pascover!

Saturday, September 23, 2006

Mighty Fortress

Story #63, in which a poor beggar seeks grace.

To hear the story, ask pray at the tower.

To read, come to the church door.

Saturday, September 16, 2006

The Mad Chemist of Calgary

Story #62, in which a soft-spoken scientist takes her revenge.

To hear the story, ask the chemist if she takes cream.

For the silent version, ask Maria if anything's the matter.

This week in The Prattler, "Restoration."

Saturday, September 09, 2006


#61, in which Doug learns that after three weeks in Australia he's still not Steve Irwin

To hear the story, kiss my little friend

To read the story, give him a bath.

This week in The Prattler, a "Reliable and Probative."

Saturday, September 02, 2006

Still Life with Apples

#60, in which a slow fella chases a fast girl.

To hear the story, tap the amphora

To read the story, catch the bird.

This week in The Prattler, a "Green Piece."

Saturday, August 26, 2006

The Village Idiot

#59, duh.

To hear the poem, jingle the bells.

To read the rhyme, click the sign.

This week in The Prattler, "Plan F."

Saturday, August 19, 2006


Story #58, in which a princess lets her hair down.

To hear the story, climb the tower.

Happy birthday to Sonia, benevolent despot.

This week in The Prattler, "Now for some Joementum."

To read the story, tilt at the windmill.