Sunday, September 11, 2011

I still think it is a fish (Birth Announcement)

A note to my daughter on the day of her birth
Today into this world you’ve come,
And 'ere I’m lost to age and rum,
I’m writing you from where you’re from
To describe your patrimony.

Humanity, you’ll find, can vary.
A man can be both bald and hairy,
Handsome, homely, kind and scary.
Clumsy, sneaky, fair and phony.

When first you meet that creepy guy
Who watches but can’t meet your eye
Remember dad was pretty shy
And try to cool your shiver.

And when a madman first you see
Consider your own family tree
Where twigs the lunistocracy
Like a willow by the river.

It won’t be long that you’re around,
I bet, before you hear the sound
As tongue and knuckle drag the ground
‘Neath morons such as call your father kin.

And tricksters, too, you’ll find soon,
May stalk beneath a hunter’s moon
And howl a false compelling tune.
Wolves no more than we are born to sin.

From where you start to where you’ll get,
Want to wonder, doubt to fret
To dream to doom to guess to bet,
We walk behind you and look ahead.

Be the girl I’m teaching you to be,
And who that is, we’ll wait to see.
To be yourself is to be free
In the jailhouse, jungle or your bed.

If you wander far, and I hope you will
Let each disaster be a thrill
And let no wisdom wear your will
Like your old man in his prime.

You’ll meet some fools, the weak and damned-
Offer each your sweet right hand
And see they know to call you "Ma'am."
To be aught but sister wastes your time.

"We have named it Cain. She caught it while I was up country trapping on the North Shore of the Erie; caught it in the timber a couple of miles from our dug-out -- or it might have been four, she isn't certain which. It resembles us in some ways, and may be a relation. That is what she thinks, but this is an error, in my judgment. The difference in size warrants the conclusion that it is a different and new kind of animal -- a fish, perhaps, though when I put it in the water to see, it sank, and she plunged in and snatched it out before there was opportunity for the experiment to determine the matter. I still think it is a fish"
from Extracts from Adam's Diary, by Mark Twain

Our daughter was born today, September 11 at 9:34 local time.  If I did the conversions right she is 7 pounds 8 ounces, 20 inches long, pretty as a peach and about that fuzzy.  


Karishma said...

Awww she is so adorable Doug! God bless her. Congrats to both mum and dad and all the family. I know the joy that a child's birth brings.

Have fun. You will be a great papa x

Jenn said...

She's beautiful, Daddy.

Congrats to you and mommy.

Neal Latt said...

Congrats, Doug and Monika!

What a wonderful little package of joy!

Blessings on your new journey of parenthood.

Kyahgirl said...

Congratulations to you both. Daughters are such a beautiful gift. She is blessed with wonderful parents!

Mikki Marshall said...

This has made me tear. I'm so happy for you and for Daddy's Little Girl.



Michael said...

A baby girl...sorry can't be much help...only boys on this side of the family tree....but you're the smart one, so you'll figure it out...consider it a math problem....
baby girl= wtf/someone help me + grandparents + good sense+[Monika x20] all will be great parents

TLP said...

Beautiful girl. You're so lucky to have a daughter. Time will teach you that!

And she was born on the correct day too.

Congratulations to you and to Monika.

Anonymous said...

Doug: She's beautiful! I like the poetry too! If you every need babysitting in Chicago, Maya and Mollie have you covered. I hope to see all three of you soon. All the best, -Sunny

dddragon said...

Wonderful, wild, awesome, beautiful ... just words for such an event that surpasses them all. Love to all.

tsduff said...

This Doug, is the best blog you have ever done. You AND Monika. Your daughter is a miracle born to two exceptionally wonderful parents - what a lucky kid.

The poem is a bit harsh on the author - when you daughter reads it she will laugh and give you a hug.

Mark Twain is rolling in his grave at the usage of his words...

Kathy & Alex P. said...

Ugh, I happened to be eating a peach when I read that last sentence. Congratulations, we look forward to meeting her!

Matthew Healey said...

Fabulous news. Well done both of you. Now you can stop wandering in the (Reykjavik) wilderness, Doug :-)

Jim pascover said...

Mazel tov. she ain't no fish, though the poem was a little fishy.
(great) uncle Jimmy

cooper said...

Congratulations, she is adorable. The poem is perfect.

If only the rest of the patriarchy were like you.

Lucky daughter for sure.

Karen said...

Who is Matthew Healey and why is this poem fabulous? I think it could be condensed by half.

Doug said...

Thanks, Karishma. This is big fun.

Thank you, Jenn.

Brer Neal best to you and your ladies. My regards to your homework, too.

Thank you, Kyah. I thought I secretly hoped for a daughter but as it happens, it seems not to have been a secret.

Thanks, Mikki. Can you be in charge of introducing her to sophisticated ladyism in Manhattan?

Thanks, Uncle Mike, I think that is the exact right formula although I had ln(Monika.)

TLP, I know it. I would have tried to make my son be like me and we all know how that turns out.

Thanks, Sunny. We might need just that in July but I assume the girls are union.

Thanks, D-cubed. You're a girl-raising genius so expect questions.

Terry, the Twain quote went in when I thought I'd heard it was a boy but I'm sure the old feller's bones can do with a refreshing twist.

Ok, Aunt Kathy, Jr. but no eating her head. At least Monika says that rule applies to me.

Matthew, my daughter is a child of the wilderness (Reykjavik.) Turns out, though, Iceland is so uncivilized it doesn't even have wolves around to raise her. Guess Monika and I will have to do.

Thanks, Uncle James.

Thanks, Coop. Getting me in the patriarchy took so much effort I'm not sure it's replicable.

Haha, Karen. Probably.

Jim said...

O Golly, Doug! Surprise, surprise! Did we have an inkling that you were going to be a father! (No, not from you?)

Congratulations. Being a father is a great fun part of life with a big responsibility

My grandfatherly advice, even though I am not her grandfather, is please don't ever let her follow you around at the mall or other place crying.

STOP AND GET HER SOME ICE CREAM. Life is too short for her to spend a lot of her time being unhappy.

I gave all my kids this advice. The grandkids think I am the greatest!
I am certainly glad you didn't name her Cain.

Doug said...

Jim, she hasn't been named but that's not entirely a contender. Grandparents are for ice cream.

Anonymous said...

CONGRADS CONGRADS....The very best is wished for the three(3) of you ,
may you all enjoy smooth sailing over the next 18 plus years.....
Peace Always gb & ts

javajazz said...

oh my goodness,
you've gone and had yourself
a l'il baby girl...!
Mazel tov to you all,
and wow, that was
the best kept secret...!
Enjoy all the precious moments!
xo lisa

Omnipotent Poobah said...

Belated congratulations my firend. My you all be happy and healthy.

Doug said...

Thanks, GB, JJ and Poobah!

TLP said...

Time to write a new poem to your daughter. Slacker.

That Doug.

Doug said...

TLP, see if this doesn't do for you.

pia said...

I love this poem. Sometimes it seems so right when I think of you as a daddy and other times all I can do is laugh
You will be king of the daddy bloggers--nobody else could write a poem that would make Dr. Seuss proud :)

The Old Mule said...


Doug said...

Thanks, Pia. I feel the same about the topic.

Gracias, hermano.

weirsdo said...

I can't believe I missed her arrival, but hope to follow her doings more faithfully hereafter.
I think ADAM'S DIARY is hilarious and should be read more.

Doug said...

I agree, Weirsdo. One of the funniest things ever written.

Morning Growler said...

Wonderful! Lucky girl.