Tuesday, August 02, 2011

Memo to the TSA

Sandal my feet with leopard's paws,
A claw before each toe.
Lace up my sheepskin, fleece face out
Unblooded like new snow.
At my hip, place a pirate's sword,
Polished, sharp and cold.
And let no razor graze my chin
Until my beard's grown bold.
Tie on my bandit's bandolier
A cartridge in each loop.
Among the stones, let me rehearse
My bellow, snarl and whoop.
Bind my legs with plates of steel,
Converging at the crotch.
And to my glorious last day,
Please set my golden watch.
Why does a man equip for war,
Who chose to live in peace?
He's gone to sylvan Oregon,
Three nephews and a niece.


dandjschoch said...

This is Terry btw - having to post on my sisters's id. My sentiments exactly. Great verse Doug. A few days ago when my son left Casper with "Barney" the family heirloom dinosaur in tow, TSA not only detained Joe, but took Barney apart because "there were traces of explosives" found on him. Fully 1/2 hour later after being poked,prodded, examined, luggage wiped with nitrate tracing-sponges among other indignities, a disheveled Joe and Barney were both allowed to walk to the tarmack. Have fun in Oregon, and especially on your return airport adventure :)

Doug said...

Hi, Terry! I have to admit, someone your son's age with a stuffed dinosaur would raise red flags with me, too.

tsduff said...

Long story short (you smart alec) Joe was bringing Barney home to his 2 year old son. Barney belonged to my nephew Joshua, and my sis wanted Barney to stay in the family. Joe was quite the good sport to bring the purple dino on the plane - ha ha ha.

Cooper said...

I am hoping you sharpened your survival skills before departure as I hope to see you on the other side.

Doug said...

A likely story, T.

Thanks, Coop. Is there a way to practice tai chi online?

Ariel the Thief said...

I have this image of the fully wrapped and armed fighter sitting in his back yard, waiting patiently for his beard to grow.

Have fun and save your crotch! Children are dangerous.

Karen said...

Batten down the hatches and fair thee well.

weirsdo said...

FARE thee well, Karen.
Fare thee well, RBUD.

Doug said...

Ariel, that was pretty much how I spend my days, these days.

Karen, I battened and hope you did the same. You never know when Weirsdo will show up and check spellings.

Thanks, Weirsdo, if someone would fare the plane for me, that would help.

Karen said...

I know. Not 10 minutes ago did Weirsdo show up at your May 28, 2010 post hoping you had a good time at your Deep Springs classes of the 80s reunion. Did you? I can't remember if you said so.

Karen said...

Oh, I forgot to add that I agree with the (young) cooper:

"I am hoping you sharpened your survival skills before departure as I hope to see you on the other side."

Hope you equipped well enough for war.

TLP said...

Very nice.

But I do resent being called an "interruption."

Just sayin'.

Jim said...

Hey Doug, Oregon has a sign at the entrance,
"Please enjoy your visit but DO NOT STAY."

You didn't say you were returning?
I am presuming nothing.