Fire and Ice, Part V

Story #37, the fifth and final chapter in a 2-part true story

To hear the story, pay homage to Pepsi







To read the story, follow me through the jungle.

And a couple of confessions: First, on further reflection I believe this was the summer of 1993, not 1992. Second, looking at a map, I think the Volcanoes were named Fire and Water, not Fire and Ice. So sue me.

Fire and Ice, Part IV

Story #36, in which Doug finds trouble below the treeline.

To hear the story, fish Lake Atitlán






To read the story, sacrifice a virgin at Tikal.

Fire and Ice, Part III

Story #35, in which Doug descends.


To hear the story, put out the fire.


To read the story, receive the king of the hill.

Fire and Ice, Part II

Story #34, in which Doug discovers the cabin's secret.

To hear the story, come to the cabin

To read the story, click the volcanoish thingy

Fire & Ice, Part I

Story #33, in which we return to find Doug on his way up.

To hear the story, listen from the belfry.







To read the story, click the map.

The Faceless Knight

Here is a story by Toyplayer, as read by Mall Diva.

To read a fully illustrated print version, click here and scroll down.
Weirsdo's definition: faceless (adj.): Inhuman. In a bad way.

Fred and Frank: A Sad Tale

Here's another story from Mall Diva. Click on the audiopost to hear the sad story of Fred and Frank.

Here is the print version:
Once upon a time, in a land far away, lived two brothers. The first brother's name was Frank, and the youngest brother's name was Fred.
Fred and Frank loved everything in the world. They cried if they even saw a wasp that had been killed by some mean person who squirted it with wasp spray. They cried when they saw a smushed flea, if one of their guests smushed a flea. They cried if one of their guests smushed a cockroach.
They loved everything. Everything and everything. Their house was full of animals. Cockroaches, fleas, and every other kind of animal. They loved little animals especially: cockroaches, fleas, and ticks. Of course, they got a lot of bites, and their guests didn't like it very much, but they were happy.
One day, they went out into the heart of the forest, and they saw a dragon. And they thought it was dead! And they began to cry. And their cries were so loud . . . that the dragon awoke--and burned them up [cries and dragon sounds].
And that was how Fred and Frank died.
The end.
Weirsdo's definition: pest (n.): Whatever gets under the skin of the beholder.

Here's How: Sniff!

Click on the White Album to hear a story from Indeterminacy.

Autumn Leaves

Story #32, in which a little girl sees family.

To hear the story follow the trail.




















To read the story, come to the cottage.

Over The Bridge

Story #31, in which we a woman learns that Angels aren't just a literary device.

To hear tell, come to Bedford Falls








To read the story, cross the bridge.

From the Cavern

#30

To hear the story capture the Wizard.










To read the story, follow directions

Pansi's Liberry Tradgedy

Print version:
Mall Diva: Welcome, children, to Story Time. And today we're going to have a couple of stories. The FIRST story is going to be--
Pansi: Will boooks be involved?
Mall Diva: That is Pansi. She's going to read our first story.
Pansi: Read?
Mall Diva: No. She's going to TELL us our first story.
Pansi (relieved): Oh, good.
Mall Diva: Now. Pansi--well, could you please tell the children something?
Pansi: O. k. How 'bout if I tell them about the time when Dicky was homeschooling Blop and Blurp? It's real sad.
Toyplayer: That's fine, Pansi.
Mall Diva: And that was Toyplayer; he's going to talk to you in a second. All right, Pansi, why don't you just go right ahead?
Pansi: O. k., well Dicky had come home from a drinking establishment, and he was--
(Mall Diva gasps multisyllabically.)
(Pause)
Pansi: Are--are you nauseous?
Mall Diva: Please! That's enough. Good-bye! Our next story--
Pansi: Good BYE!! I am a Superstar. Excuse me, but you can't treat me like this--
Toyplayer (interrupting excitedly): (Incoherent, then--) Naked Gymnastics for JESUS!
Pansi (Mall Diva still gasping in background): I can't work with these PEOPLE!

Weirsdo's definition: Library (n.): Site entrusted with maintaining communal wellbeing through censorship.

Love, American Style

Story #29, in which we return to find Doug an exchange student in Germany.

To hear the story, find a bar and order a Veltin's.








To read the story, stagger down Biegenstraße.







Click below for a slide show from Marburg (2005)

A Knights' Tale

As improvised and performed by Mall Diva, with help from Toyplayer.

Here is the print version:
In an ancient land, far, far away from any land we know, there lived two knights: Knight Arabesqua, and Knight John. Knight John was a small, little man, and Knight Arabesqua was a tall, strong man.
One day they met, and Arabesqua said to Knight John, "You are the shortest dwarf I ever saw!"
And Knight John did NOT laugh; instead, they began fighting. . . . Until--the dragon came.
(Groans.) Those were the sounds of the cries as they died.
And so, what is the moral of this story? It is, of course, "Do not fight, because then you won't know when dragons are coming along."

Weirsdo's definition: Dragon (n.): Cooler of heated disputes.

Crossroads

Story #28, in which the Devil seeks his due.

To hear the story, ask Robert Johnson for directions.










To read the story, come to the crossroads.

Photo courtesy of Anton Shevchenko. Thanks, Anton.

Tom Waits Calls a Cab

Story #27, in which the straight and narrow path is no way at all.

To hear the story, tip your hat to Tom Waits.










Read all about it! Hail the cab!

The Tale of Willie Bear

Click on Willie to hear Semisweet1 Read his poem, The Legend of Willie Bear.



Or, click Here to read it.

1001 Points of Light

Story #26 A tale of progress from Iran.

To hear the story, click on Scheherezade. (Right)










To read the story, click on Ali Baba. (Left)

New Year's with Friends

Story #25 (Lordy, what an ego!,) or, A Night of Wine and Roses. In which Doug rings in a new year and learns the importance of old friends and new.

To hear the story, click on the Rose Bowl banner.











To read the story, point to the Soggy Bottom Boys.

Happy, healthy and prosperous New Year to you all.

King Tom

To hear Tom's debut in film criticicism, answer the ad.