Love, American Style

Story #29, in which we return to find Doug an exchange student in Germany.

To hear the story, find a bar and order a Veltin's.








To read the story, stagger down Biegenstraße.







Click below for a slide show from Marburg (2005)

A Knights' Tale

As improvised and performed by Mall Diva, with help from Toyplayer.

Here is the print version:
In an ancient land, far, far away from any land we know, there lived two knights: Knight Arabesqua, and Knight John. Knight John was a small, little man, and Knight Arabesqua was a tall, strong man.
One day they met, and Arabesqua said to Knight John, "You are the shortest dwarf I ever saw!"
And Knight John did NOT laugh; instead, they began fighting. . . . Until--the dragon came.
(Groans.) Those were the sounds of the cries as they died.
And so, what is the moral of this story? It is, of course, "Do not fight, because then you won't know when dragons are coming along."

Weirsdo's definition: Dragon (n.): Cooler of heated disputes.

Crossroads

Story #28, in which the Devil seeks his due.

To hear the story, ask Robert Johnson for directions.










To read the story, come to the crossroads.

Photo courtesy of Anton Shevchenko. Thanks, Anton.

Tom Waits Calls a Cab

Story #27, in which the straight and narrow path is no way at all.

To hear the story, tip your hat to Tom Waits.










Read all about it! Hail the cab!

The Tale of Willie Bear

Click on Willie to hear Semisweet1 Read his poem, The Legend of Willie Bear.



Or, click Here to read it.

1001 Points of Light

Story #26 A tale of progress from Iran.

To hear the story, click on Scheherezade. (Right)










To read the story, click on Ali Baba. (Left)

New Year's with Friends

Story #25 (Lordy, what an ego!,) or, A Night of Wine and Roses. In which Doug rings in a new year and learns the importance of old friends and new.

To hear the story, click on the Rose Bowl banner.











To read the story, point to the Soggy Bottom Boys.

Happy, healthy and prosperous New Year to you all.

King Tom

To hear Tom's debut in film criticicism, answer the ad.

The Lost Holiday

Story #24, A Christmas story taking place on New Year's Eve.

To hear the story, wake up Santa. To read it, talk to the old man.

Sleigh The Course

Or, Of Ice and Men. Story #23, in which three magi survive a Pennsylvania blizzard only to confront the rigid social norms of New Jersey.*

To hear the story, ask Santa for directions.












To read the story, check Santa's list.

*Preceding telic clause dedicated to Monika.

Before The Fall

Story #22, in which an evangelist offers his pitch for the bosom of Abraham.

To hear the story, interrupt the wedding before someone makes a big mistake.











To read the appropriate passage, simply instruct my sister (right).

Who Framed Rabbit, Rabbit

Story #21, in which Doug doubles trouble

To hear the story, play Shave and a Haircut for Roger.







To read the story, click on Tupac Amaru, inspiration of the Sendero Luminoso revolution.

Joon: Child Star

Here is Joon's audiobiography:

Click here for a print version (print version lacks Joon's complaints, commentary on Diamonelle, and hamster info).
Weirsdo's definition: Hamsters, n. (pl.): Sex and violence for the kids.

Command Performance

Story #20, in which Doug humbly offers a little story upon the request of the Pez sisters and Pia.

To hear Doug's humble offering, click on Pavarotti.
To read Doug's literary submission, stop the queen from killing her poor and noble servant.

Heart of Aubern: The Story of Aubvey

Aubvey's audiobiography:
Prologue:

Heart of Aubern: The Story of Aubvey
For a print version, click here. (Print version lacks congratulations to Tigers and cheering.)

Weirsdo's definition: Fan: n. Socially acceptable victim of severe bipolar and obsessive-compulsive disorders.

Lobsterlela's Tragic Past

Click the audiopost to hear Lobsterlela's sad tale. Click here for a print version.

Weirsdo's definition: Funeral: Ceremony in which one person awakens from the nightmare of history, and the rest reconstruct it as a good dream.

Razor

Story #19, in which a country girl expresses herself.

To hear a farmhand's story you usually only have to ask (below)

To read, hop up on the John Deere 5220, as used in the actual story.

April: Friend of the Earth

Here is April's audiobiography. Click here for a print version.

Weirsdo's definition: Care: n. Friendly interference.

Turning Towards the Light: The Story of Brittney

Click here for a print version (print version does not contain postscript).
Weirsdo's definitions: Prayer: n. Totting up blessings and requesting additions.
Curse: n. Request for divine subtraction.

Semisweet1's Story

The following story was submitted by Semisweet1 as a birthday present.

To hear Semisweet1 be scurrilous, click the Schwartz' Candies Logo










To read the story, head for Muscle Shoals

Not Exactly Christmas

First of all, Happy Birthday to Lucy Em aka Rainbow Lotus!

Story #18, in which the blogangels announce the coming of the Dork King.

For the raconteur, click Doug at his peak of his sophistication and refinement.










To read the story, pull up with Andy (left) and I.

Karmatose: The Lives of Emrald

For a slightly abridged print version, click here.
Weirsdo's definition: Plague: 1. v. To pester pestilentially, esp. for attention. 2. n. Deleterious epidemic, or the agent(s) who spread it. See blogger.

From the Outside Looking In

Click to hear the saga of Sissy and Mr. B.

Click here for a print version with explanatory links.

Weirsdo's definition:
Devotion: n. Selfless quality; "the terrible tyranny of the weak over the strong" (Oscar Wilde).

On The Road Again

Story #17, another hitch-hiking story in which Willie Nelson comes up.
To hear me speak, click on Willie (the other one).










To read the story, start in Big Pine. Don't worry, there's time.

Sissy of The Pansi Files will be along to tell her own story sometime this evening.

Fly In The Ointment- A Tale of Karma

Salute Karma's Papa to read the story.

Doo-Doo Girl's Audiobiography

To hear Doo-Doo Girl's life story, "tip" the waitress.

Weirsdo's definition:
Rainbow, n. Heavenly promise. Evaporates quickly.